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"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II

Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
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Ever had one of THOSE nights?


I WILL SURVIVE - Female Version
 
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
By the ugly wanker laying by my side
I would have drunk a little less
I would have tried to keep my head
If I�d known for just one second I�d be in your crusty bed

I tried to go, walk out the door
But I laughed so hard at your small knob I�ve fallen on the floor
Your butt�s a pimply mess
It�s just a broken out disgrace
But I�d rather look at that than at your f**cking ugly face
 
I want to go, I�ve got to leave
Your talk of chicks and footy really makes me want to heave
I know I�ve got to stop
My drinking spirits and the beer
�Coz when I looked at you last night you looked just like Richard Gere
 
Please let me go, I feel quite sick
We had the worst sex in the world and you�re such an ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate
At least he�s got a lovely flat
But No, I go and trust the booze and now I�m stuck with you, you tw*t

It�s time to go, run out the door
You look so ugly it should really be against the law
I�m going to give up all the booze
I�m going to have no stupid fun
�Coz waking up beside your mug just makes me want to be a nun

I WILL SURVIVE - I WILL SURVIVE ! !

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OK now for the guys turn!

--------

I WILL SURVIVE � Male Version

 

First I was afraid, I was petrified

At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side

I would have drunk a little less
I would have tried to keep my head
If I�d known for just one second you�d assault me in your bed

I tried to go, walk out the door
But you�ve been sitting on my legs and I can�t feel them anymore
And now you�re sitting on my face
My nose has vanished, not a trace
I only hope that your big knickers aren�t made of liquorice lace


I want to go, I�ve got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes we want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me
Walking home with such a slut
God the things that you get up to when you are half cut

Please let me go, I�m getting scared
There�s nothing I can do to stop those ugly breast from being bared
I think that I must have been mad,
God what made we want to court her
With tits like that look like Teabags that I�ve just filled up with water

It�s time to go, run out the door
She�s started hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino floor
I don�t think there�s anything worse
Than this alcoholics curse
I WILL SURVIVE � I WILL SURVIVE ! ! :friday:

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SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!

Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
19/May/03, 18:10 Link to this post Send Email to voodooo   Send PM to voodooo Blog
 
voodooo Profile
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"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II

Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
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Re: Ever had one of THOSE nights?


Physics 101

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:
Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong

365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 megahertz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 horsepower

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds

10 cards: 1 decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks: 1 litrehosen

1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin

10 rations: 1 decoration

8 nickels: 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League

---
SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!

Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
19/May/03, 18:28 Link to this post Send Email to voodooo   Send PM to voodooo Blog
 
voodooo Profile
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"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II

Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
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Re: Ever had one of THOSE nights?


Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)
 
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and
the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
 
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains.
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
 
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions. You're going to love this......
 
NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken."

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SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!

Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
23/May/03, 12:11 Link to this post Send Email to voodooo   Send PM to voodooo Blog
 
Suzie Profile
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The Boss

Registered: 04-2003
Location: Emu Heights :o)
Posts: 6420
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Re: Ever had one of THOSE nights?


emoticon emoticon emoticon defrost the chook!!! emoticon emoticon

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. . .. .. ... ... all you need is love ... ... .. .. . .
23/May/03, 20:50 Link to this post Send Email to Suzie   Send PM to Suzie MSN
 


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