voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Ever had one of THOSE nights?
I WILL SURVIVE - Female Version
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
By the ugly wanker laying by my side
I would have drunk a little less
I would have tried to keep my head
If Id known for just one second Id be in your crusty bed
I tried to go, walk out the door
But I laughed so hard at your small knob Ive fallen on the floor
Your butts a pimply mess
Its just a broken out disgrace
But Id rather look at that than at your f**cking ugly face
I want to go, Ive got to leave
Your talk of chicks and footy really makes me want to heave
I know Ive got to stop
My drinking spirits and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night you looked just like Richard Gere
Please let me go, I feel quite sick
We had the worst sex in the world and youre such an ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate
At least hes got a lovely flat
But No, I go and trust the booze and now Im stuck with you, you tw*t
Its time to go, run out the door
You look so ugly it should really be against the law
Im going to give up all the booze
Im going to have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug just makes me want to be a nun
I WILL SURVIVE - I WILL SURVIVE ! !
-------
OK now for the guys turn!
--------
I WILL SURVIVE Male Version
First I was afraid, I was petrified
At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would have drunk a little less
I would have tried to keep my head
If Id known for just one second youd assault me in your bed
I tried to go, walk out the door
But youve been sitting on my legs and I cant feel them anymore
And now youre sitting on my face
My nose has vanished, not a trace
I only hope that your big knickers arent made of liquorice lace
I want to go, Ive got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes we want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me
Walking home with such a slut
God the things that you get up to when you are half cut
Please let me go, Im getting scared
Theres nothing I can do to stop those ugly breast from being bared
I think that I must have been mad,
God what made we want to court her
With tits like that look like Teabags that Ive just filled up with water
Its time to go, run out the door
Shes started hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino floor
I dont think theres anything worse
Than this alcoholics curse
I WILL SURVIVE I WILL SURVIVE ! ! :friday:
--- SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
|
19/May/03, 18:10
|
Link to this post
Send Email to voodooo
Send PM to voodooo
Blog
|
voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Ever had one of THOSE nights?
Physics 101
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:
Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahertz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 horsepower
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 litrehosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
--- SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
|
19/May/03, 18:28
|
Link to this post
Send Email to voodooo
Send PM to voodooo
Blog
|
voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
|
Reply | Quote
|
|
Re: Ever had one of THOSE nights?
Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and
the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains.
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions. You're going to love this......
NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken."
--- SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
|
23/May/03, 12:11
|
Link to this post
Send Email to voodooo
Send PM to voodooo
Blog
|