shefroggle
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Registered: 04-2003
Location: Campbelltown
Posts: 398
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The REAL definitons
ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.
BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back when it starts to rain.
BOY SCOUT: A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed like a child.
CONSULTANT: Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you for it.
DIPLOMAT: Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start the journey.
ECONOMIST: An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
INTERVIEW: That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs.
HEADACHE: Method of contraception most widely used by women.
TONGUE: Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech.
MONOGAMY: Repressed polygamy.
NANOSECOND: Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car behind honking its horn.
NYMPHOMANIAC: Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.
PESSIMIST: Optimist with experience.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.
TEAMWORK: The possibility of putting the blame on others.
UROLOGIST: Someone who looks at your penis with disdain,touches it with disgust, then charges you as if he'd sucked it.
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4/May/03, 22:57
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voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
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Re: The REAL definitons
:funnypost: I love the Architect!
Just for you Stacey
Top Ten Signs You Might Be a Frog
1. You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup.
2. You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly.
3. French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you
4. Bug lamps appear to you as a curse.
5. On applications, you list 'Pond' as your home address.
6. Kermit is your idol.
7. You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit.
8. Have seen the movie 'The Fly' at least ten times
9. You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium.
10. France is the evil empire to you
---------
TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.
1. " ...... AMEN!"
Last edited by voodooo, 5/May/03, 16:38
--- SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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5/May/03, 16:36
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voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
Registered: 04-2003
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Re: The REAL definitons
Top Ten Reasons You Know If You Have PMS
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****.
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
:argh:
--- SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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5/May/03, 16:40
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shefroggle
Ribbit!
Registered: 04-2003
Location: Campbelltown
Posts: 398
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Re: The REAL definitons
quote: voodooo wrote:
:funnypost: I love the Architect!
Just for you Stacey
Top Ten Signs You Might Be a Frog
1. You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup.
2. You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly.
3. French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you
4. Bug lamps appear to you as a curse.
5. On applications, you list 'Pond' as your home address.
6. Kermit is your idol.
7. You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit.
8. Have seen the movie 'The Fly' at least ten times
9. You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium.
10. France is the evil empire to you
:funnypost: :funnypost: croak croak
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5/May/03, 21:58
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