Runboard.com
Слава Україні!
Animated Gifs

runboard.com       Register for a free global account (learn about it) | Log in: (), globally (lost password, you dummy?)

 
Sash Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

The Bloody Big Boss

Registered: 04-2003
Location: Woolloomooloo
Posts: 978
Reply | Quote
Really Rude Joke


This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive
restaurant in town.
'Where's the pissing, !@#$ manager, you !@#$
arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you
please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the
manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes over and the bloke asks, 'Are you the chicken-!@#$
manager of this bastard place?'
Yes sir, I am,' replies the manager, 'but I would prefer it if you
could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private
restaurant'
!@#$ off' replies the bloke 'and where's the !@#$ piano?'
Pardon?' says the manager.
'!@#$ deaf as well, are we? You snivelling little piece of !@#$,
show me your cunting piano.'
'Ah,' replies the manager, 'you've come about the pianist job' and
shows the bloke to the piano.

'Can you play any blues?'
'Of course I !@#$ can,' and the bloke proceeds to play the most
inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has
ever
heard.
'That's superb. What's it called?'
'I tried to shag yer missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my
dick,' replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.
The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager
has ever heard.
'Magnificent,' cries the manager, 'What's it called?'
'I Wanted a wank over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in
the soap drawer'.

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic
ballads.
The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager has
ever heard, 'And what's this called?' asks the manager.
'As I !@#$ you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your
hairy ring-piece,' replies the bloke.

The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the
job
on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of
the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night,
sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his
eyes
on.
She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost falling
out the top of her black lace bra,and the skimpy little 'G' string she's
wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms.
She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on
asparagus shoots as the butter is dripping down her chin.
The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to
furiously masturbate. He's tugging away furiously when he hears the
manager's voice.

'Where's that bastard pianist?'

He just has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to
the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and
starts playing some more tunes. The blonde steps up and walks over to the
piano, leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your knob and
bollocks are hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?'

'Know it' he said, 'Hell I wrote it.'

---
Life is not a rehearsal! One only gets one crack at life.. death is forever. Each night is opening night, doing the best you can! Accepting the accolades and the bad reviews...........................
26/May/03, 15:48 Link to this post Send Email to Sash   Send PM to Sash MSN Blog
 
Rimmer Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

The Boss

Registered: 04-2003
Location: Straylia
Posts: 2577
Reply | Quote
Re: Really Rude Joke


:funnypost:

 emoticon emoticon emoticon
26/May/03, 16:14 Link to this post   Blog
 
voodooo Profile
Live feed
Blog
Friends
Miscellaneous info

"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II

Registered: 04-2003
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 2137
Reply | Quote
Re: Really Rude Joke


A rich man and a poor man were sitting in a bar late one night. They were talking about different things and then the poor man asked the rich man what he bought his wife for her birthday. "I got her a brand new Mercedes Benz and a 24-karat diamond ring," says the rich man.
 
The poor man, a bit puzzled, asked, "Why the hell did you get her both?"
 
The rich man replied, "I got her both so if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive her new car back to the jeweler's to exchange it. So...What did YOU buy for YOUR wife?"
 
The poor man said, "I bought her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo."
 
Obviously confused, the rich man asked why he chose those items.
 
The poor man replied, "Because if she doesn't like the flip-flops, she can go !@#$ herself!"
===========================================================
How many dumb blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. She holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. *My apologies to any blondes out there :wub:

---
SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!

Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
29/May/03, 10:04 Link to this post Send Email to voodooo   Send PM to voodooo Blog
 


Add a Reply





You are not logged in (login)
Back To Top