beavis
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Version 1
A message from Mother,
Okay, it all makes sense NOW,
I never looked at it this way before,
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist.......AND......
when we have real trouble, its a HISterectomy
EVER notice how all of Women's problems start with MEN
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15/Apr/03, 20:58
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Suzie
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Re: Version 1
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by
the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he
could answer a very difficult question. Arthur
would have a year to figure out the answer; but if, after a year he still had no answer, he would be killed.
The question was: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most
knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was better than death,
he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an
answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll
everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, even the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory
answer.
What most people did tell him was to consult the
old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The
last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no
alternative but to talk to the witch.
She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have
to accept her price first: the old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was
horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous,
had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, and often made obscene, flatulent noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his
friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.
Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke
with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. He relented, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question:
What a woman really wants is to be able to be in
charge of her own life.
Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went.
The neighbouring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.
What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur
was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night
approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific
night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited!
The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay
before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so
kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self.
Which would he want her to be during the day and
which during the night?
What a cruel question!
Gawain began to think of his predicament: during
the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?
What would you do?
What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read
until you've made your own choice.
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V
Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would
be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.
What is the moral of this story?
The moral is that it doesn't matter if your
woman is pretty or ugly, smart or dumb. Underneath it all, she's still a witch. And if you try to control her life, things will get ugly.
---
. . .. .. ... ... all you need is love ... ... .. .. . .
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15/Apr/03, 21:24
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voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
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Re: Version 1
Hahahahahaha - and yet... SO TRUE 
-----------------
There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight
and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most?
What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He
started to
walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go
this way.
He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has
happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he
followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could
and
he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!
---
SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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15/Apr/03, 23:21
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voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
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Re: Version 1
A wife came home just in time to find her husband in
bed with another woman. With super-human strength
borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out
the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard
and put his penis in a vice. She then secured it
tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was
terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going
to cut it off, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the
saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going
to set the shed on fire. You do whatever you have to".
----------
An 80-year-old man hobbles into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I made love with both of them... Twice." The priest said, "Well my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"Jewish! Then, why are you telling me?" asks the priest.
"Telling you?...I'm telling everybody", says the man.
----
A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car!" said the blonde, "There's hundreds of them!"
Last edited by voodooo, 15/Apr/03, 23:46
---
SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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15/Apr/03, 23:43
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voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
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Re: Version 1
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea...let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman? "Good", he replies. "Get your own !@#$ blanket."
----
Two married blokes are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage... I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and says "AND WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?"... His mate looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps throw my shoes into the cupboard, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's bum and say, "How about a blow job?"...And she's always sound asleep.
----
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to sees her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, no, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again". The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, 'You don't like getting flowers?' The redhead says, 'I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air. 'The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
---
SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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15/Apr/03, 23:47
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ozziewoman
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Re: Version 1
Two married blokes are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage... I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and says "AND WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?"... His mate looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps throw my shoes into the cupboard, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's bum and say, "How about a blow job?"...And she's always sound asleep.
excellent
Defense Attorney:
What is your age?
Little old Woman:
I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little old Woman:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring
evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside
me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little old Woman:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little old Woman:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little old Woman:
Hell no, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old Woman:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years
ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little old Woman:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little old Woman:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old Woman:
Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't
felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little old Woman:
Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take
me ...young man...Take me!"
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little old Woman:
Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!" ...And that's when I shot the
little bastard!
---
Lifes a bitch, its the herbs that makes it better
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16/Apr/03, 0:13
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Rimmer
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Re: Version 1
An elderly couple are sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife "Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.? We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about: Tell me the truth.
Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
She hesitates a moment,then says "Yes, 3 times, Sidney."
"Three times?" How could that happen?" Sidney asks.
The wife begins recalling slowly. "Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were so broke, and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?"
"Yes, that was really a terrible time" replies the man.
Marsha continued, "And remember when I went to see the banker one night and the next day the bank extended our loan?"
"That's hard to take" the man says "but I guess it really was for us, so I can forgive you."
"What was the second time?"
"Well," she continued "do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn't afford the operation?"
"Yes of course" the man replies.
"Then you will remember that right after I went to see the doctor, he did your operation at no cost?" she explained.
"That's true" Sidney nodded. "That shocks me, Marsha, but I do understand that you did it out of love for me, and I forgive you. So! What was the third time?"
Marsha lowers her head and says "Sidney, do you remember
when you ran for Country Club President and you needed 62 more votes?"
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16/Apr/03, 10:43
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voodooo
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Re: Version 1
Hahaha 
-------There once lived a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoebox in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoebox and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told! me that if I ever got angry with you I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. There were only two precious doilies in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh", she said," That's the money I made from selling the doilies."
---
SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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16/Apr/03, 10:52
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voodooo
"Ye Olde Porn Queen" mark II
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Re: Version 1
THE LAST WORD
In these excerpts from memorable wills, the authors couldn't resist the chance to throw one final zinger from the grave.
"Before anything else is done fifty cents (is to) be paid to my son-in-law to enable him to buy for himself a good stout rope with which to hang himself." - Garvey B. White, 1980
"I leave Parson Chavasse (Maggy's husband) the snuff box I got from Sarnia Militia, as a small token of my gratiture for the sevice he has done the family in taking a sister that no man of taste would have taken." - William Dunlop, Canada, 1842
"I give to Lieutenant-General Cromwell one of my words, which he must want, seeing that he hath never kept any of his own." - Philip, fifth earl of Pembroke, 17th Century
Famous Last Words
There's one from a Union general in the civil war that may be appropriate for the #1 or #2 slot:
1. Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...
2. Well, we've made it this far.
3. How's he gonna read that magazine rolled up like that? --insect
4. Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
5. The odds of that happening are a million to one!
6. What? Your mother is going to stay another month?
7. Wife, these biscuits are tough.
8. These are the good kind of mushrooms.
9. He's probably just hibernating.
10. If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic cop.
11. It's not flammable.
12. It's probably just a rash.
13. I'll get a world record for this.
14. Hold my beer and watch this
15. Are you sure the power is off?
16. Don't be so superstitious.
17. Don't worry, it's not loaded.
---
SAW IT... WANTED IT... HAD A FIT... GOT IT!!
Think first, everyone you meet is fighting their own tough battle too.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
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16/Apr/03, 11:02
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Suzie
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Re: Version 1
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big
problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said,"that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give himback his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery,since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be
$3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into
the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOUR
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."
---
. . .. .. ... ... all you need is love ... ... .. .. . .
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16/Apr/03, 13:19
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beavis
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Re: Version 1
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation,
"Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no" he said.
"That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock"
All the women stood up.
"No, no" he said.
"That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them"
Half the women stood up.
"No, no" he said
"That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the choir boys stood up
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18/Apr/03, 9:26
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Suzie
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Re: Version 1
I thought this summed up everyone in here...."Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know!"
Men are like ... Laxatives ...They irritate the !@#$ out of you.
Men are like ... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like ... Vacations ... They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like ... Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ... Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ... Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ... Coffee ... The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night long.
Men are like ... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ... Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like ... Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ... Popcorn ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like ... Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like ... Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ... Parking Spots ... All the good ones are taken and the all available ones are handicapped.
---
. . .. .. ... ... all you need is love ... ... .. .. . .
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18/Apr/03, 9:33
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Suzie
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Re: Version 1
Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was
smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached
into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped
it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.
Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea!
What is it that you put over your cigarette?"
The other old lady said, "It's a condom."
"A condom? Where do you get those?"
The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could
purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies
arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into
the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms.
The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this
old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size
do you want?"
"One that would fit a Camel."
---
. . .. .. ... ... all you need is love ... ... .. .. . .
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18/Apr/03, 10:55
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beavis
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Re: Version 1
How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Golden Retriever - the sun is shining, the day is young, we've got
our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a
stupid burned out bulb?
Border Collie - Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not
up to code.
Dachshund - You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Rottweiler - Make me!
Labrador - Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeeeze let me change it! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh?
German Shepherd - I'll change it as soon as I've led these people
from the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any, and make
just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take
advantage of the situation.
Maltese - Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier - I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls
and furniture.
Poodle - I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the
time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Cocker Spaniel - Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman - While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Akbash (no, I don't know what that is either!) - If I don't have to guard
it...why bother?
Boxer - Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Chihuahua - Yo Quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound - Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover....
Greyhound - It isn't moving so who cares?
Australian Shepherd - First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little
circle....
Old English Sheep Dog - Light bulb? I don't see a light bulb.
Basset Hound - ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....z....z....z....z...
CAT - Dogs do not change light bulbs. People do. So, the question
is:
How long will it be before I can expect some light?
ALL OF WHICH PROVES ONCE AGAIN - DOGS HAVE MASTERS - CATS HAVE STAFF...
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21/Apr/03, 20:02
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Suzie
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Re: Version 1
that is sooooooo true!
---
. . .. .. ... ... all you need is love ... ... .. .. . .
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21/Apr/03, 20:44
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shefroggle
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Registered: 04-2003
Location: Campbelltown
Posts: 398
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Re: Version 1
Jenny's husband, Charley, was a male chauvinist. Even though they both worked full time, he never helped around the house. Housework was woman's work!
But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished; something's up.
It turns out that Charley had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex. The night went well and the next day she told her office friends all about it.
"We had a great dinner. Charley even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening."
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.
"Oh, that was perfect, too.........Charley was too tired!"
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22/Apr/03, 19:44
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beavis
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Registered: 04-2003
Location: down under
Posts: 4793
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Re: Version 1
A duck walked into a pharmacy. He asked the pharmacist "Do you have any
grapes?" "No, but the grocery store two blocks down sells grapes." he replied. The next day,
the same duck walked into the same pharmacy and asked "Do you have any grapes?" "No, two
blocks down on the right." replied the pharmacist somewhat annoyed. The third day, the same
duck walked back into the same pharmacy and asked the same question. This time the pharmacist
said "We don't sell grapes here. You have asked for grapes now for three days in a row. I
have told you we don't sell them here, this is a pharmacy not a grocery store. If you come
back in here tomorrow asking for grapes again, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to
the floor, NOW GET OUT OF HERE!" The next day the same duck walks back into the same
pharmacy, this time with quite a bit of trepidation. He looked around and asked the
pharmacist "Do you have any nails?" "No" replied the pharmacist. "Well then... Do you have
any grapes?"
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26/Apr/03, 11:39
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shefroggle
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Registered: 04-2003
Location: Campbelltown
Posts: 398
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Re: Version 1
Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the gates by St. Peter who says to him, "As you have been such a good
person and your invention of the assembly line changed the world of manufacturing you may choose anybody here that you would like to hang out with".
Henry thinks about it and says "I would like to hang out with GOD himself.
St Peter thought it was a most unusual request so he took Henry alongto see God.
Henry then said to God "When you invented woman, what were you thinking about?"
God ask "what do you mean".
"Well" says Henry Ford "you have some major flaws in your design"
1 There's too much front end protrusion
2 It chatters too much at high speed
3 Maintenance is extremely high
4 It constantly needs repainting and refinishing
5 It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 days of every 28 days
6 The rear end wobbles too much
7 The intake is placed too close to the exhaust
8 The headlights are usually too small
9 And fuel consumption is outrageous.
Hmmm ...Replies God, "Hold on a minute" God goes over to the celestial super computer punches in a few keystrokes and waits for a result,in no time the computer prints out report , and God reads it. God then turns to Henry Ford
and says "it may be that my invention is flawed but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours.
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27/Apr/03, 12:33
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shefroggle
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Location: Campbelltown
Posts: 398
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Re: Version 1
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the
mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too
small. Instead of characteristically telling her it isn't so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between
her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years" he replies.
The wife stops... "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"
Without missing a beat the husband said, "Worked for your ass didn't it?"
He lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.
Stupid man, very stupid man...
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27/Apr/03, 12:44
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Rimmer
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Registered: 04-2003
Location: Straylia
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Re: Version 1
Back to life skills school for that fellow............
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28/Apr/03, 2:51
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